Or, Why My Brother And I Should Not On Any Condition Be Allowed To Interact When We Have Work To Do, Reason 9857.
Message sent from Jen to Brother, 1:04 pm:
"SAM. My hands are covered in POLLEN STAINS. WHY? WHY MUST THIS BE?!"
Message sent from Brother to Jen: 1:12pm:
"It must be because humanity has not yet railed against the mighty, untamed beast that is Mother Nature. Your pollen stained hands can be our symbol, martyrs to this most worthy cause, as we rise up to smite that degenerate foe that is the rest of the Earth. We have lived too long sucking on this vile teat, slaves at the mercy of a faceless enemy! Leave no stone unturned, my brothers! When not a single ounce of green lives upon the surface of the planet, and the skies are stained black by the fires, then humanity will truly have triumphed!
THE RIVERS WILL RUN, BUT WE WILL CATCH THEM. THE SEAS WILL RAGE, BUT OUR FURY IS NO MATCH FOR THEIRS. WHEN THE LAST OUNCE OF NATURE DIES, AND MANKIND CONQUERS ITS OLDEST ENEMY, WE. WILL. BE. FREE!
FOR THE POLLEN!"
...Indeed.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my everyday existence. Also on the menu this week: a lecturer making us swear an oath not to sue him; licking of eyeballs whilst singing a song about zombies; a possum mauling several cats; Jack The Ripper crossed with a riverboat dandy; and a radical cell of fundamentalist Pakistani Christians. I may one day auction off my life to a drug addict for whom acid is not proving to be sufficiently surreal.
Just to elucidate the present situation- I now have 10,000 words left to write, pollen-stained hands, and a Facebook wall with the phrase 'sucking on this vile teat' emblazoned upon it. (It is also probably pertinent to add that we were three rooms away from one another at the time.)
I wonder if the extension forms at my university have an 'Older Brother With Apocalyptic Gaia Complex' option. Also: OH GOD OH GOD IT BURNS.
Comments
This is just a perfect example of how Facebook is inherently evil, and since I jumped on the bandwagon a week ago I cannot do anything else. I should find some crack to help me get off the Facebook addiction.
I hereby dare you to add me. My full name's in my profile. What? Feeding your addiction? NEVER.
I had to get the damn thing in England to have any sort of a social life, then came to Australia thinking I wouldn't need it any more. What do you know, EXPLOSION. A worse distraction I have never met.
Dare accepted.